My horoscope today (via dailyhoroscope.com) pretty much sums up everything I’ve been feeling these past few days:
“Ironically, the stress you feel today is likely caused by too much good news rather than a disppointment. You might not trust what’s happening, afraid to believe that something important is finally going your way. There is no time for self-doubt or fear. Dynamic change is in the air, freeing you to follow your bliss. As long as you don’t push the limits too far now, you could notice improvements right away”
Heh. STRESS. There are a lot of dynamic changes happening this week. My crunch week at work just ended, right in time as a matter of fact, because I’m moving out of state by the end of the month. Well…not my homestate but the state I now live in to another state.
I’ve been purging my belongings and I find myself in a constant state of detachment. Decisions have been, and are still, quick. Keep this, toss that, donate this. If I hesitate for a second on whether to keep it…into the toss/donate piles it goes. I only have a few days left before the moving truck gets packed and I get kicked out of the house.
According to some, I’ve destroyed lives by some of the decisions I recently made. I turned the world upside down…to others I turned my world right-side up. Perhaps that remains to be seen.
Last night, I came across one of my favorite sweaters. Let me just tell you…I am a sweater QUEEN. I pulled them all out, laid them on my bed and one by one, into the donate pile they went. Yes…I’m going to need a sweater or two. But these sweaters are ultra-heavy, get snowed in for weeks, you will always be warm no matter how cold it gets, sweaters. I have purged 75% of my closet with no qualms whatsoever. I have virtually NO work clothes as I will be working from home. This damn sweater…holy shit; I can walk away from everything…
I just cannot get rid of this sweater. I’m looking at it right now, draped across the top of one of my clothing bins. Maybe part of it is the fact that I got such a good deal on it. Penney’s was having one of their clearance sales and it went from $125.00 to $.78. Yes, you read that right…SEVENTY-EIGHT MUTHA-FUDGING CENTS. It’s light brown, soft, warm, comfy, it’s got pockets, goes down past my knees…let’s face it…it’s a total grandma sweater – except no grandma smell. I’ve wrapped myself in this sweater night after night, taking comfort in the percieved secure feeling it invokes while I read a book and sip a cuppa tea. Maybe when I get to where I am going I will no longer need it.
Which brings me back to my horoscope this morning and dynamic changes. My company approved my move and I will be working remotely. My house sold in record time. Everything I have done was pushing limits. I pushed MY limits which is how I wound up making the aforementioned decisions. I took risks by selling my house in the dead of winter. Opportunity has been knocking and I’ve been ripping down the door frames.
All these positive things are happening and I have never been so scared in my life. I have never been so happy, so terrified, so excited…ever. I can’t even compare what I am feeling because I have nothing to compare it to. How eff’d up is that?
I take comfort in knowing I’m not alone. I have my sweater.